I Tips & Tricks

6 Mindful Ways To Beat Your Inner Bully

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6 Mindful Ways To Beat Your Inner Bully

Hands up who’s a self-confessed bully? You may not realise it but we bet you’re guilty of belittling, back-talking, hope-squashing and confidence-bruising. If you’re honest you’re probably not the nicest person in the world – when it comes to being nice to yourself that is. To everyone else, you’re a class act.

We spoke to Performance Psychology Consultant Dr Josephine Perry to find out how to beat our inner bully with some clever mind detox tricks that we could all use when our inner Mean Girl gets vocal.

Get ready to detox your mind, clear out the emotional clutter and blitz those bullying behaviors. We don’t know about you but we’re sure as hell ready to say goodbye to all that negative noise.

Fake feelings

The brain drain: Feeling like you’re not good enough

We’re pretty sure Imposter Syndrome is the certificate everyone gets when they graduate to adulthood. From getting a promotion to managing a team to becoming a parent, there are plenty of times when it’s easy to feel like you don’t know what the hell you’re doing, and are about to be found out.

Dr. Perry says; “Set up a file in your inbox called ‘confidence boosters’. Every time someone sends you a thank you, or comments on a great piece of work, file it in here and you can read through them when you need to remind yourself that you have earned your role and deserve to be in your job,” be it director, mother or manager.

A brighter future

The brain drain: Making negative predictions about the future

Ever had that mascara-smudged conversation over cocktails where you basically tell your friends how you’re never gonna find a decent guy/get a decent job/have an orgasm? If your future predictions make an episode of Game Of Thrones look cheery, then you seriously need to think about how you can rewire the way you approach tomorrow.

Dr Perry says, “A lovely perspective I have seen used to stop people making negative predictions and limiting themselves, is to stop trying to get positive answers to everything and actively aim for rejections. One writer aimed for 100 rejections a year. Meaning she had to pitch at least 100 articles, far more than she otherwise would have and to journals far better than she thought her writing deserved to be in. She got lots of yeses and published far wider than ever before.” So think about that next time you expect to fail! You may just surprise yourself with the outcome.

Judgement Call

The brain drain: Feeling judged

When we feel judged it’s usually a case of our insecurities rising to the surface. Dr Perry says, “You can’t control what is around you. You can only control how you respond to it. There is no way to control what other people think of you and trying to do so simply wastes your energy. If you decide not to worry about them and focus on what makes you happy life will be far less stressful.” Stop stressing so hard and you’ll soon see that your glass is half full.

Last resort

The brain drain: Acting like your needs don’t matter

Yes woman? People pleaser? FOMO fiend? Helping other people and trying to make them see you in a good light often means putting yourself last but if you’re constantly saying no to your needs and yes to everyone else’s it’s time to switch the balance. Whether it’s putting your in-laws, partner’s or your employer’s out-of-hours requests first, Dr Perry says you’ve got to get tough.

“The key here is deciding on your own goals. When your goals are abstract with no deadline it is easy for them, and you, to get pushed to the bottom of the to-do list. Write goals which you are passionate about achieving and you are much more likely to remain on track to do the things which are important to you.”

Spiral of Doom

The brain drain: Always focusing on the negatives rather than seeing the whole picture.

Maybe you’ve done a great job at work but you can’t help but pick at the things you could have done better? Perhaps you’ve recently lost weight but can’t stop berating yourself for not losing more? Ignoring the positives is a fast pass to driving your friends away and yourself insane.

Dr Perry says, “It is hard to reframe your thoughts to be more positive but you have to be really deliberate to start with and just keep practising.”

One practical way forward is to write a long list of negative thoughts you often have and force yourself to find a positive in each one. “Do this every day until it becomes more natural. Over time you’ll find you can do it automatically.”

Prickly pear

The brain drain: Taking everything personally

Are you the prickly pear of your friendship group? The one who can’t help but get ultra sensitive about every little detail? Whether your neighbor didn’t say hi when she crossed the road or your boss’s voicemail sounded a bit short, taking everything personally is one of the best ways to make life suck.

You’re gonna need an epiphany to kick this one, but it’s a reality check worth having.
If you’re always cut up about personal slights that you think are happening every day, remember these words; you are not that important.

If your neighbor didn’t wave back it’s probably because they hadn’t put their contacts in. If your boss sounded short, it’s because they’re stressing about their next meeting. Life is too short for this much drama. Sorry. Not sorry.

Whether you start using one of these tips or all of them, just remember to be kind to yourself. Self-care and all that.

—Ursula Brunetti

Read more of MBS’s Tips & Tricks column over here.

  • Cathy Jarolin

    I am 70 and I don’t stress out because of any signs of aging on my Face or Body~ I just accept the fact I am getting older. All I really Needed was love and self esteem and I have them Both. These Ideas will help someone if they are Vain or just don’t like the way they look! Thank You for the post, I enjoyed reading it~

    • Ursula Brunetti

      Thanks for reading

  • Tanya

    some very good points made, I think everyone beats themselves up alittle at least

  • tpoage

    Thanks for these great tips. It is easy to get caught up in all of these.

  • Tina Kilburn

    It is very hard to deal with the judgement calls. Thanks so much for the tips.

  • Robin Lohman

    Being a mom has made it even worse you try to remind yourself your doing good but then fall under the pressures

    • Ursula Brunetti

      I know the struggle is real. It’s hard to live up to the dream of being a perfect mom and person.

  • Susan West

    Very good tips of advice. Some are harder than others especially being judgemental of one’s self. I think we all do that from time to time.

    • Ursula Brunetti

      Absolutely – it’s easy to get negative on yourself!

  • chava zewicky

    Very good advice.

  • Brenda King

    Thanks for these great tips! Very easy to beat ourselves up.

  • joan001

    thank you good info

  • Calvin F.

    Being non judgemental is the main part 😀

  • 1alwaysnyc1

    These are great ways to do a re-set on yourself.

  • thepittsmn

    Good information.

  • thepittsmn

    What inner bully?

  • Shirley P. Smith

    Always be good to yourself…

    • Ursula Brunetti

      So true!

  • Julie L

    I am in WW and we just learned about emotional eating and the way to avoid this – this article adds to what was said.

  • Virginia Ann Tate

    You know…if you don’t do anything wrong when you are young, then when you are old you won’t have learned anything….I like the article on feeling ‘not good enough.’ We’re all better than we think sometimes…

  • kaarie gillis

    Interesting post. Thanks for the advice!

  • Madison Frye

    I definitely can be a bully to myself! I love this article and will for sure try to be better to myself using these tips!

  • Bianca Morgan

    yes to this article!

  • I have really bad anxiety and I deal with a lot of these things. I really love the advice in this! Thank you!

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